Hospitality ain't what it used to be......

I am a restaurateur. I started out in the hospitality business training to be a chef. I endured the rigors of apprenticeship that many of my generation and before me had to accept as the price to pay for classical training. Angry and tyrannical chefs were an accepted price to pay for top notch training. I remember days of ridicule and belittlement during my training, that often left me questioning my choice of vocation. When I worked as a stage in Paris, even my mentors' wife would scream at me and tell me my mis en place was pure shit.
Thankfully, I worked my way up through the ranks, and was enlightened by some compassionate chefs at New England Culinary Institute like Executive Chef Robert Barral and Benjamin Cevelo. I learned to control my temper, and realized that passion and anger do not have to go hand in hand. Working with my beautiful wife Colleen, I am reminded of this fact whenever I revert back to my old ways. She knows how to talk me down from these episodes, and calm the savage beast within me.
When I moved up from chef to owner, and became a restaurateur, my quest for role models expanded to those who see the big picture of running a restaurant - not just a kitchen. Dealing with my customers has required me to become more refined. Anyone who has read Anthony Bourdains' memoir Kitchen Confidential, can understand that there is a big difference between dealing with like minded (and often deranged) cooks, and dealing with the tapestry of customers who come in the front door. My heroes now include front of the house champions like Danny Meyer of Union Square Hospitality Group and Ron Miller of Solera in NYC. I have a quote from Mr. Meyer that was printed in the NY Times a few years back posted right over my desk. It is entitled "A Dialogue of Respect". It reads: " I enjoyed reading Joe Drape's article "Out in Front but Often Overlooked" (Sept.26). In this era of celebrity chefs, it was refreshing to see so many leaders of the hospitality movement recognized for the essential role they play in making guests feel welcome while they're eating all of that great food. (We were especially delighted to see your acknowledgement of one of our Grammercy Tavern alumni, Phil Grieco). Alluding to my own  approach, Mr. Drape was correct in describing that hospitality is a dialogue, and service a monologue. But it was not accurate to suggest that I believe "the customer is always right." I was certainly taught that before becoming a restaurateur, but over the years, I have learned that no one is always right. In fact, for most guests, it's far more important to feel heard, than to be right. The trick to delivering optimum guest satisfaction is first to require that staff members express warm hospitality toward one another, without which no amount of hospitality to our guests will feel genuine." Amen.
I would like to add one more sentence of my own to Mr. Meyer's letter. "I feel that for guest satisfaction to be optimum, the customer should recognize that any good dialogue, requires respect on both parties behalf."

 I went to the doctor yesterday to have them treat my eye that was irritated. The office was quite busy, and the staff was handling the workload the best that they could. As I waited for my turn in the waiting area, a couple came in, and the first words out of the woman's mouth were " how long is the wait going to be?" I couldn't help but wonder what sort of ailment they were both (as she stated) suffering from, that would allow them the luxury of deciding between treatment and not waiting. I would have waited all day if necessary to have my eye treated. I can't work if I can't see.
I remarked to the girl who weighed me and took my vitals, that the question reminded my of my own experiences during a busy Saturday night in the restaurant. She shared a laugh with me, alluding to the attitude of many customers these days. It seems that people have forgotten to care about anyone but themselves these days. Or perhaps they were never taught manners as children.
I am compelled to write this post, because my experience has led me to believe that as a society, our "me" attitude is at odds with the inevitable population increase our planet is experiencing. Electronic devices that cause people to never look beyond the palm of their hand, could be a big part of this trend. When we become so self absorbed in our own world, it is difficult to see the world around us. Many residents of the Adirondacks, live here because we appreciate the beauty and wonder of the natural world. I can't tell you how many of my local customers do not even own a television or computer. I think that they just value the interaction with nature, and their neighbors too much to allow themselves to become distracted by these modern devices. I find that conversations with my neighbors often lead to my own self assessment of my intolerance of others point of view. It is usually the visitor from urban areas that cause me to become frustrated with society and bad manners. Maybe as we try to figure out ways to attract more visitors to our area, in order to achieve economic growth, we should consider that the most important asset we have here is our willingness to engage one another respectfully, and to recognize that that quality may be our greatest core competence.